welcome to my lonely heart

latley i have been feeling very...lonely, and i have been trying to place the source of my loneliness.

here is what it isn't from..
it is not from not having friends, and it is not because i live alone now.

what i have come to realize is loneliness is a mysterious emotion, and just because you are surrounded by tons of people who love you, doesn't mean you can't feel completely alone.

part of my loneliness is that i am missing God. i started going back to church regularly and the first few sermons were on prayer, they were powerful and i didn't realize how much my prayer life was missing. i missed talking to God, and i missed His constant surroundings. i seem to have more non-Christian friends then Christian, which can be a very lonely place to be. so i joined a new community group, with this i have met some great people who love Jesus, and having just having that around me makes me feel...less lonely.

another part of my loneliness was losing someone i love.
rachel moved to china, as many know. but being so close with her made it hard, when you lose your best friend you feel a little more alone in the world filled with liers and betrayers. being able to trust people is a huge issue for me, and i don't trust easily. so to lose someone i could trust is hard.


so welcome to my lonely heart.
i am not sad about feeling this way. it just makes me think, even though things are changing and that is hard for me to except, i know that i have people who love me and most important i have a stronger relationship with Jesus. maybe i am supposed to be lonely at this time in my life so that i turn to Him for strength and understanding? or maybe i am just reading too much into this.