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happiness

is getting my mac book tonight!

blog update very soon.

i am very happy these days.

i think

today should be over because i am excited for tonight.

i also think it should be friday because that would mean my family is coming to visit and i miss them.

it would also mean that i am going to bumbershoot which i am excited about for a couple of reasons. one too soon to mention.

welcome to my lonely heart

latley i have been feeling very...lonely, and i have been trying to place the source of my loneliness.

here is what it isn't from..
it is not from not having friends, and it is not because i live alone now.

what i have come to realize is loneliness is a mysterious emotion, and just because you are surrounded by tons of people who love you, doesn't mean you can't feel completely alone.

part of my loneliness is that i am missing God. i started going back to church regularly and the first few sermons were on prayer, they were powerful and i didn't realize how much my prayer life was missing. i missed talking to God, and i missed His constant surroundings. i seem to have more non-Christian friends then Christian, which can be a very lonely place to be. so i joined a new community group, with this i have met some great people who love Jesus, and having just having that around me makes me feel...less lonely.

another part of my loneliness was losing someone i love.
rachel moved to china, as many know. but being so close with her made it hard, when you lose your best friend you feel a little more alone in the world filled with liers and betrayers. being able to trust people is a huge issue for me, and i don't trust easily. so to lose someone i could trust is hard.


so welcome to my lonely heart.
i am not sad about feeling this way. it just makes me think, even though things are changing and that is hard for me to except, i know that i have people who love me and most important i have a stronger relationship with Jesus. maybe i am supposed to be lonely at this time in my life so that i turn to Him for strength and understanding? or maybe i am just reading too much into this.

i wish..

i wish i had a computer to blog about all that is exciting in my life.

such as...
moving to fremont in my own little apartment
not driving my car ever
capitol hill block party
putting together my ikea furniture all by myself first try
and how i am going to be an auntie of two!

i am holding out to buy a mac, i am getting so close!

it's alright...

i know i have the cutest niece in the world.



she says mandy now, and it makes my heart melt every time.

her new favorite word is "no". if you ask her anything the answer is a big "NO" even if she wants it. i know it drives my sister crazy, i think it's pretty cute.

anathallo stole my heart

they might just steal yours too

last wednesday kat and wes invited me to the nectar to see kat's favorite band anathallo.

i am always up for new music so i thought why not?

i was in for a very special treat, and like my title says anathallo stole my heart. the best live show i have seen, and the nicest people you will ever meet.

they will be coming again around november. i suggest you don't miss them

donate to the mandy needs fund

i am moving in about a month and a half.

i haven't found a place yet, but i am working on it.

my room-mate is moving out in two weeks along with all his stuff. tv, couches, computer. basically i will be left with a huge empty apartment.

things i need.
tv (not a huge need, but i do like to watch movies)
couch (maybe)
kitchen table
chairs
computer
computer desk
ipod station (so i can play my ipod in my apartement)
book shelf

feel free to donate!

dear rachel

this is rachel recker.
she moved to seattle in september to nanny, and became my best friend. rachel went to art school and challenged me to think differently.

this is the kind of friend you can count on to be there for you, and the one who will totally kick your ass if you are being an ass. this is the kind of friendship were you can go out and have a great time, or sit in silence together. this is the kind of friendship where you can spend every day together and not drive each other insane, it's really hard to find a friend like that.

last week she moved to georgia for the summer to be a camp counselor with her brother. (who i decided i want to marry) after the summer is over she is moving to china for a year to teach art and english. hopefully after that she will be back in seattle.





we went to shows together....a lot
the blakes (twice)
angels and airwaves
shim (twice)
thunderbird motel (um lots)
thee emergency (twice)
the hands
the submarines
bell x1







we played at the park together


we bouldered together (rock climbed)
we ate sushi a lot
we cooked together
we watched movies together
we went salsa dancing





she is my best friend and i miss her dearly.

there come a time when i should learn not to operate a automobile

i have been in 5 major car accidents since i have been 16. (let me point out that i was not at fault for most of them, i swear i am a cautious driver)

the 5th accident occurred april 29, 2008. i was coming to a stop because the person in front of me was turning left but yielding to traffic, the person behind me did not stop and SMACKED. right into me. thankfully my car is drivable, but it will be going in to the shop this thursday. $3000 of damage, my most minimal accident yet.

let me just add that the 5 car accidents mentioned above, don't even count the times that my cars have been wrecked when i haven't even been in them.

i love my bike. i love the metro. and i can't wait until i do not have to drive my car on a regular basis.

wristcutters- a love story

saturday night rachel and i decided to have a "in" night. most of our weekends we are going out to shows. but since nothing we were interested in was playing we made fondue and watched a movie.

rachel uses netfilx and do to her past rentals netflix recommended "wristcutters-a love story".

plot:
after zia (patrick fugit) commits suicide by cutting his wrists, he finds himself in an afterlife limbo that is much the same as his former reality, just slightly worse. this strange realm is populated by people who have committed suicide, such as eugene (shae whigmam), a russian rocker who lives with his mother, father and brother (all suicide victims). eugene is partly based oneugene eugene hütz of the band gogol bordello, whose music features in the film as that recorded by character eugene's old band. he kills himself on stage by pouring a beer he is drinking ("dead guy ale", brewed by rogue brewing company) onto his guitar. together they waste most of their death in bars, until zia learns his ex-girlfriend has also committed suicide. he and eugene take to the road to find her, picking up hitchhiker mikal (shannyn sossamon) along the way. she insists there's been a mistake and she is seeking the "people in charge" in order to be sent back. this trio of lost souls forms an uncommon bond, road-tripping through the afterlife and meeting memorable characters including an undercover angel named kneller (tom waites).

i was really enjoying the movie, yet sitting there thinking "what"? after i wasn't sure i even liked the movie. however now that i feel like all the strangeness has sunk in, i really love this movie. i think i will make it part of my collection.

go green safely.

most of the world right now is on the "green kick" love your mother she is the only one you have. and i agree, and do my best to do my part. (although i KNOW i could do better) but i think some people in the effort to be green can be putting themselves in danger, and not even realizing it. at church this sunday i glanced around the room and saw about half the people in the room had reusable water bottles. ranging from nalgene, to alpine water. and i wondered if people knew the harmful effects that plastic bottles have on your body.

the chemicals in Lexan (plastic #7) bottles are enough to scare even the most committed environmentalists from reusing them (or buying them in the first place). Studies have indicated that food and drinks stored in such containers—including those ubiquitous clear Nalgene water bottles hanging from just about every hiker’s backpack—can contain trace amount of Bisphenol A (BPA), a synthetic chemical that interferes with the body’s natural hormonal messaging system.

The same studies found that repeated re-use of such bottles—which get dinged up through normal wear and tear and while being washed—increases the chance that chemicals will leak out of the tiny cracks and crevices that develop over time. According to the Environment California Research & Policy Center, which reviewed 130 studies on the topic, BPA has been linked to breast and uterine cancer, an increased risk of miscarriage, and decreased testosterone levels. BPA can also wreak havoc on children’s developing systems. (Parents beware: Most baby bottles and sippy cups are made with plastics containing BPA.) Most experts agree that the amount of BPA that could leach into food and drinks through normal handling is probably very small, but there are concerns about the cumulative effect of small doses.

Health advocates also recommend not reusing bottles made from plastic #1 (polyethylene terephthalate, also known as PET or PETE), including most disposable water, soda and juice bottles. According to The Green Guide, such bottles may be safe for one-time use, but reuse should be avoided because studies indicate they may leach DEHP—another probable human carcinogen—when they are in less than perfect condition. The good news is that such bottles are easy to recycle; just about every municipal recycling system will take them back. But using them is nonetheless far from environmentally responsible: The nonprofit Berkeley Ecology Center found that the manufacture of plastic #1 uses large amounts of energy and resources and generates toxic emissions and pollutants that contribute to global warming. And even though PET bottles can be recycled, millions find their way into landfills every day in the U.S. alone.

Another bad choice for water bottles, reusable or otherwise, is plastic #3 (polyvinyl chloride/PVC), which can leach hormone-disrupting chemicals into the liquids they are storing and will release synthetic carcinogens into the environment when incinerated. Plastic #6 (polystyrene/PS), has been shown to leach styrene, a probable human carcinogen, into food and drinks as well.

Safer choices include bottles crafted from safer HDPE (plastic #2), low-density polyethylene (LDPE, AKA plastic #4) or polypropylene (PP, or plastic #5). Consumers may have a hard time finding water bottles made out of #4 or #5, however. Aluminum bottles, such as those made by SIGG and sold in many natural food and product markets, and stainless steel water bottles are also safe choices and can be reused repeatedly and eventually recycled.

article from. www.naturescrib.com
also check our articles from dr. mercola



so to all my friends! i love you!
pcc, trader joes, and whole foods all have stainless steel water bottles. you can make the switch and still be green.

think local

lately i have been going local shows around seattle. here are my favorites.

the blakes, chop suey. my favorite seattle band! a fun show with a fun group of people. i got a chance to chat to bob (the drummer since we had met before) they are a nice group of guys. all was well until some idiot thought it would be a good idea to shake his beer then dump it on us. (sure glad i didn't get pulled over that night).

thunderbird motel, at the high dive. i always enjoy seeing those boys. fun rock music that rachel and i just like to dance.

fast friends uk, at the high dive. they played with thunderbird motel. they were very good, their guitar player was amazing! i wish they would have played longer. i will definitly see their next show.

angels and airwaves, showbox sodo. (not so local) but still an amazing show! they used so many different lighting affect it was crazy, and even though i am pretty sure tom delonge was high the whole time the energy on staege was great and it was once of my favorite shows i have been too. david, brian, rachel and i went to this show together and all was well until i got knocked around enough in the center of the "mosh pit" (if you want to call it that) i got sick. i SO never want to get sick in a public restroom again. but a GREAT show despite that fact!

shim, high dive. this band is definitly very close in the running to being my new favorite local band. i think you should listen to them. they had a nice little light show that rachel and i enjoyed and i think i broke my shoe from all our dancing. they played with a band from san diego called bird monster surprisingly they were really good. they had one guy dedicated to tambourine who doesn't love a great tambourine player?

the submarines, the nectar. a two person band, husband and wife. she sings, plays guitar, piano, and xilaphone. while he sings back up, plays guitar and mixes their electronic sound on the mac. they place flowers all over the stage before they play, makes me feel like i went back to the 70's. if you like postal service i feel like you will like the submarines.

bell x1, the nectar. this band is from ireland, and apparently sells out huge venues. they are trying to make a break here in the states. so this huge european band played at the tiny nectar, all their equipment didn't even fit on the stage. someone was running on and off stage switching their guitars for them. if you like snow patrol you will love this band.

tomorrow night i am going to see the hands, at the funhouse. should be a great show i am very excited!

i love seattle and its music.

make room for hollywood

in seattle free parking is hard to come by, and free parking that isn't limited to one or two hours is truly a treasure to be found. luckily i work by a residential street. meaning free unlimited parking for me! however this week i have had to make room for hollywood. something i am not too fond of.

apparently jennifer aniston is shooting a new movie here in seattle, and has decided to take over all of fremont. they completely cut off any source of free parking in fremont, and though i do love movies i can't remember the last time jen put out a good movie. maybe this new flick "traveling" can change that, though i highly doubt it.

plus the $30 i have had to pay in parking and the $50 ticket i got this week will most definitely not be worth it.

i want fremont back, and i think the residents that live in fremont that was bombarded with porta-potties agrees.

hollywood must not of have had time to clean up the garbage they left behind, however they did have time clean the fremont troll before shooting. interesting.

where do i draw the line?

i work in fremont and there is this homeless man who hangs out there. i am not sure if he is mentally challenged or if he has done too many drugs, but he walks around and has random out bursts of yelling, body convulsions, dancing, and singing. however at the same time he can be perfectly normal. him and i have held many normal conversations. which i think had lead to my problem. latley he has been hanging around my work more. knocking on the window trying to get my attention, coming into the office, pacing out side on the sidewalk, and most recent he walked me to my car at night.

this is where i start to get a worried. he has never said or done anything inappropriate to me. but i don't feel safe alone with him, especially at night. i don't want to be the rude person who is mean to him, but i want to protect myself. where do i draw the line? and what do i say to him?

it's not like i can say "hey, i am not comfortable around you. please leave" i feel that would just make him mad. or can i say that? dr. mike says i am naive and he has decided to walk me to my car from now on when he is here. but there are times i am at work alone.

so am i being over dramatic? like i said above he has never done or said anything inappropriate. however i wouldn't let a sane man walk me to my car at night.

perfect weekend

tulips the first sign of a northwest spring



i had the most perfect weekend. which included going down town both saturday and sunday.

saturday i caught the 28 bus and headed downtown to pikes place. i spent the day by myself, it was wonderful, i love days to myself. i bought a new book, went to local color and read, walked through pikes place bought some veggies and fresh fish. after hanging out downtown renzo called asking me if i wanted to go to a "christian rap show" so i did! i might have felt a little out of place, but it was fun.

sunday i decided to go downtown again. this time i caught the 74 bus and headed to lower queen ann to make a short stop at easy street records to buy the shackeltons. then caught the 13 bus and headed to pikes. once there i was joined by rachel at local color. we were shortly joined by kristen, lindsey and marianne and shared a nice cup of coffee.




rachel graduated from art school this last year. she sketches beautiful pictures. so she sketched while i read my book. the sun was shinning in the shop and the coffee was just right. part of a perfect sunday afternoon.

i love seattle in the sun. this is only the beginning to a wonderful spring!

wipe the tears from your eyes-U23D

last monday i went and saw U23D, it was one of the coolest things i have done in a long time. now to be honest U2 has not always been my favorite band, i actually had some resentment toward them. i did always apprecaite the good music they produced, but wouldn't listen to them unless my dad or brian put their cd in the player. i think U2 always reminded me of my dad. (not that this is a bad thing) but when i was little he might have put on some bono and cranked up the stereo. which i am pretty sure mortified me as a child. no one wants to be dropped off at school in junior high by your dad cranking what you think at the time is "old man rock". this is where it think my slight resentment to U2 came from. but my eyes have been opened, the clouds are clearing and i can see what i have been missing. i have a new found respect and love for bono, the edge, adam clayton, and larry mullen jr.

the whole experience was amazing, you walk in to the theater with your 3D glasses in hand. the first thing see you notice is the 6 story screen, and then the show begins....it starts with the crowd cheering in anticipation, then bang! there is bono and who would guess? you right there on stage with him. you are singing "sunday bloody sunday" with bono! then when they sings "wipe the tears from your eyes" bono reaches out his hand to wipe the tears from your eyes. the whole 90min i sat in awe. in awe of the great musicians, in awe of the excitment crowd, in awe of the stage show, in awe of the light effects.

i think i am going to go again before it leaves town. if you have a chance to come to seattle to see U23D don't let the opportunity pass you by. you might have end up leaving with more love for bono in your heart then you sat down with.

ps. new nada surf "lucky" rocks.

this is a good idea!

Dear _________

Some Valentine’s Day perspective

The economics are simple. In 2005, Americans spent 13 billion dollars on Valentine's Day.

Human Trafficking/Slavery generates around 32 billion dollars every year. That's less than what we spend on three Valentine's Days. Three days... If that doesn't bring you hope, I don't know what will. We have the means. If we have the will...the impossible is possible.

I wish you could meet Joy. She is 14 yrs. old, and was the first child to enter our new safehome in the Philippines this year. To read about Joy's incredible journey please read our blog entitled "The Joy of our Home."

To celebrate Valentine's Day we have a goal to raise $140,000 in February. This will keep our safehome in the Philippines operating for the rest of the year. If each of our friends donates a minimum of $14 in February, we can reach this goal! We can continue to be a home for Joy.

We're not asking you to give up your Valentine's Day traditions, we are asking you to join us in incorporating more into that tradition. More Love.

I believe in the power of the individual. I believe in the power of $14. Please consider incorporating Joy into your Holiday.

You can give through our website {Donate Now}

With Love,

Desirea Rodgers
Co-Founder/Creative Director Love146

family

i am wide awake and i have to wake up in about 5 hours to go to work. i am probably wide awake because i went out to coffee at 730 this evening. i had my mars hill interview today to finish up my membership process. the interview was funny considering it was done by my community group leader who i know quite well. but i am glad all that work is done now.

while i was lying in bed trying to force myself to sleep i started thinking about my family. mostly my siblings. so i thought i would blog about them since i miss them.

this is carissa. my oldest sister. she is marrried to scott and they gave me my beautiful niece grace, who is walking now! carissa lives in spokane and works as a waitress at tomato street. (a family italian restaurant in spokane) she went to school in arizona to become a chef and eventually own her own restaurant! but once she graduated realized she didn't want to own her own restaurant. she is however a amazing cook, she mostly loves to bake. i think she should move to seattle and open up her own bakery then i could be a full time live in nanny for grace! i miss them!

this is aric my older brother, he recently moved to detroit which i hate. he is too far away and wasn't even able to come home for christmas. he moved to detroit to work as a floor manager in the camping department at a sportmans warehouse that my cousin is the main manager of. i think he mostly moved to get away. he used to want to be a chiropractor like my dad and eventually take over my dad's practice, but right now he has put that hold. i think eventually he will go back to it. at the moment he doesn't have a girlfriend which is good because i really didn't like the one he had. for the most part i think he misses home. (he tends to call me a lot more now) he is coming to visit the end of february and i can't wait to see him. i miss him.

this is caitlyn. the baby of the family, even though she is 13 now, she will always be the baby. my baby. caitlyn and i are the closest since we grew up together. she watched me go through all my phases, and watched me get in to all my trouble. however she is the one i worry about most. right now being in junior high is such a hard time. i think she is trying to find herself. but in the meanwhile just doing things because it is the "popular" thing to do. i don't like this very much. i want her to do better then i did. she is an amazing writer for being 13 and wants to be a journalist when she grows up. i hope she goes for it. she plays piano and is also an awesome volley ball player. she actually made varsity this past year, and next year even though she will only be a freshman the highschool coach wants her! i am proud of her, and miss her.

grace and predestination

grace. something i have a hard time understanding. something that is maybe just uncomprehending to me.

predestination. i don't even know where to being to understand that.
definition the decree of God by which certain souls are foreordained to salvation.

calvinism believes that predestination is God reaching to those to reached out to him first, therefore predestining them for salvation. it was explained to me like this. God can look down the line of time, and see the people who will reach out to love Him. so He in turn reaches down to save them. right? i don't even know if i am understanding this right. but calvinism also believes that God can reach down and bring salvation to those whom He choses with out them choosing Him first. like Paul, right? so if calvinism is what i believe (and i think i do) then i believe God can save whomever He wants. and those he choses not to reach down and save without them reaching to Him first are condemned for hell.

i know that God is just, loving, and faithful, and ultimately it was my choice to reach out to God to gain my saving grace. the same goes to those to hear the Gospel and turn away from God, they ultimately choose hell. even those God pursues sometimes turn away. example pharaoh. God came to pharaoh over and over again with warnings and love but pharaoh still chose hell. if we reject God that is our own responsibility not Gods. we are children of wrath, spiritually dead, we are enslaved by our own sin and cannot save ourselves we need Gods salvation.

i had a friend from high school die in a awful car accident over the weekend in shelton. and to my understanding she wasn't reaching out to God for His salvation. that is hard to stomach, when someone you know dies, not knowing God.

grace. definition the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God.
so God has given me love, unconditional love, and grace.

electing grace, God chose me.
preached grace, God gave people in my life to help me grow.
regenerating grace, God gave me a new heart.
converting grace, God gave me desires for Him.
justifying grace, God made me righteous.
adopting grace, God became the ultimate father i needed.
ministry grace, God gave me the ability to help Him with His work.
sanctifying grace, God gave me motive to do His work.
empowering grace, God gave me the ability to do more work then i can handle alone.
provisional grace, God gave me everything i have.
finical grave, God gave me the money i have to live to and steward to Him.
persevering grace, God gave me the promise to never give up on me.
glorifying grace, God gave me the promise to be with Him for eternity.

i accept His grace, but i have a hard time comprehending it. God gave me, little insignificant me, all of that. when i denied Him, laughed at Him, and forsake Him. through all that He loved me first.

Author and Perfecter.

pastor mark gave 2 amazing sermons on both of these subjects you can listen to them if you want.

what to do?

so i have bronchitis. its gross. i haven't left the house in 3 days, and i might be going crazy. so what do you do when you can barley sit up for more then five minuets?


you totally make yourself and m&m.

you also finish every book you ever started but never finished.
and you watch way to much day time tv, i am pretty sure that is what is making me go crazy

i have been outside twice since tuesday to walk parker. and after that very short walk i pass out for about 3 hours. he has been such a good puppy though. just laying with me. i think he can sense that i am sick.

so after this grueling long post i am so tired and i must go back to sleep.

if anyone wants to make me some chicken soup and bring it by, i wouldn't turn it away. being sick and not being home to have your mom take care of you sucks.

***my plea was answered...
THANKS wes and kat for bringing me soup, and tea, and snacks!

perfect health america

this weekend i went to a nutrition seminar with my family. a little back ground story, about 2 years ago my dad read a book called "makers diet" and had me and my mom read it too, along with any patients he could convince to take the book home and read it. learn more about the book here. the book is about a man named jordan rubin who was diagnosed with chrons disease and was told there was nothing the medical world could do for him. he basically was going to be sick until he died. but jordan didn't want to accept that fate. so he decided to search other methods of treatment and found a man who helped him research the bible and eat foods that God intended for us to eat, in the form they are meant to be ate. after going on the 40 day diet jordan's health miraculously turned around. (it is an amazing story and i am only summarizing. so you should go buy the book) so this weekend we went to hear jordan speak. it was honestly the most amazing seminar i have been to. the whole weekend was based on biblical teachings on how to eat.

so many people buy the food on the shelves assuming because the FDA passed it, it is ok to eat. nothing could be more wrong. a little story, a man who was mixing toxic chemicals together accidentally got some on his fingers and accidentally licked it. thought to himself "hum that taste good" and tada the invention of aspartame (sweet misery)

there are so many things in this world that God never intended for our bodies that we eat. i liked how jordan put it... "tho shall not eat anything God cast demons into". pigs for example, were put on this earth as decomposes they eat anything, even there own feces'. a study was done. they stacked 5 pigs on top of each other in crates and only fed the pig on the top. one month later all the pigs were still alive. (get it...? gross)
ever heard the saying you are what you eat? you are also what THEY eat. pigs also have no sweat gland, meaning no way to extract all the toxins in there body. i hope you enjoy your bacon in the morning.

the same thing goes for shell fish. they are the pigs of the sea. don't eat them.

fish however is very good for you. as long as it is wild fish. the world has decided that everything needs intervention for us to function. and fish in a "farm" is not how God intended us to get our fish. all the nutrients the fish have they get from being in the ocean.

red meat. contrary to popular belief is also very good for you. red meat needs to be from grass fed cows, buffalo, or lamb (yes lamb is a red meat). not grain fed and stuffed with hormones to make them bigger.

dairy. is actually not that important to your diet (well milk isn't) you can get calcium so many different ways. but if you absolutely must have milk you should buy it unpasteurized and hormone free. but stores aren't allowed to sell milk that way. you would have to buy it from a local farmer willing to break the rules for your health. sheep milk is actually the way to go. but again. not available in the states.

i could go on forever, and will probably post more blogs about dieing america in the future.

i was planning on getting my certifications in nutrition from ACE. but after attending this seminar i learned jordan and his team actually offer a "biblical nutrition certification" so that is what i am going to do. i haven't been the most healthy person in the past, and i probably won't be in the future. but it is definitely a goal for me to always be healthier. i want to help someone feel better, and help them understand and how to supply nutrition to there families.

tonight for dinner
cod with lemon on a bed of brown rice. toped with stir fried veggies that will include peppers. squash, onion, and asparagus.

tomorrow for breakfast
my green drink (i always drink that anyway)
cultured strawberry milk ( milk without hormones) and grains with dried fruit
black coffee sweetened with honey, vanilla extract and a tiny bit of cream. (i eventually will be weaning coffee out of my diet. but this is a work in progress)

i challenge you to not buy the microwaved healthy choice(just because something says healthy doesn't mean it is), don't buy diet ANYTHING. and see how you feel. you can pick up a FREE copy of jordan's book at any super supplements store. (i think, if not i will send you my copy!)

a sad fact. more people overweight people living among us then there are undernourished. i mean don't get me wrong i am glad that less people are undernourished. however if america went a week with out potato chips, cookies, ice cream ect. we could feed the world.

i may be a tad-bit cynical today

and for all those who have to encounter my cynicalness today i apologize.

bad breath grosses me out. and even more gross then bad breath is a person with bad breath that smells up the whole room with their bad breath. i should put a box of free gum on the counter.

i have come to realize that dating is idiotic. it is awkward and not fun! who ever said it was, they lied. the couple "dates" i have gone on have been guys that i kind of known, however i didn't really want to go to begin with. see i have a hard time saying no, i feel bad, even when i was dating brian i had a hard time saying no. not because i wanted to go on dates with these guys, but because i didn't want to hurt anyones feelings. i am pretty sure this didn't make brian very happy, and i think i should work on this so my future husband doesn't have to deal with my stupidity. yet i refuse to date from now on so maybe i won't meet my future husband.

another thing that i am feeling particularly cranky about is guys who try to play the friend card with girls they like. i really hate it when you tell a guy you just like him as a friend and he says he is happy just being friends with you. but in his head he is thinking eventually you will like him if he plays the "friend card" long enough. news flash, it usually just makes her mad and annoyed. if you are "just friends" with a girl. do not call her 3 times a day asking why she won't call you back. don't text her repeatedly (she might turn her phone off), and don't get jealous if she hangs out with other guys because she is not your girlfriend, nor does she want to be. (wow i am a bit more cranky about this then i thought, maybe i need some coffee)

ok, so on to a happy note.

this past weekend i went to see thunderbird motel (brian's band) and thee emergency. with rachel, lindsey and my room-mate nathan. both bands were awesome. i really love thee emergency despite the divaness that they have, and i have always liked thunderbird motel. but it is so funny my room-mate loves tbm so much! brian gave me on of their cd's and i actually haven't seen the cd since i brought it home. nathan says quote "i am so stoked for their next show!"

we are pretty much dancing machines!

another happy note. lorenzo moved back up to seattle. so sunday we are going to hang out downtown and then go to church. i miss that kid.

a world of wonder

i wonder why people open their car door before they are ready to get out, leaving no room for others to pass by with out taking the car door off.

i wonder why the government doesn't make people re-take a drivers test every time your license expires.

i wonder why no one learned to only use the left lane for passing.

i wonder when the sun will be back.

i wonder how much i spend of coffee a year.

i wonder why i continue to drink coffee knowing about how much is costs me.

i wonder if i should continue working with youth.

i wonder why people insist on calling their husbands "husband" instead of by his real name.

i wonder where i will live in july.

i wonder if i can handle everything i put on my plate.

i wonder why a guy thinks he can ask you out after meeting you on the street and saying "hey".

i wonder what it would be like.

i wonder why my real dad is trying to be a dad now, when i don't need him.

i wonder if i will ever be an organized person.

i wonder why people listen to doctors, media ect. to give them information about health instead of finding it for themselves.

i wonder what the guys name at church is who knows me by name and hugs me every week.

i wonder why i don't just tell him i don't know him.

i wonder why i care so much if people don't like me. i should just be me.

i wonder why some Christians hate the "church" doesn't God love all, if working towards advancing the gospel.

i wonder what question pastor mark will preach on this week.

i wonder if the book "why people change" will be good.

i wonder why i continue to lock my keys in my car.

i wonder if today will be a good day. it has been so far.

so this is the new year

i have had parker for one year!! (i love him) to celebrate i took him to the dog park. we had fun.

christmas and my birthday were great. so much has happened in the past two weeks i think i will just highlight them.

• watching old family videos with my family ( i was a brat as a young child)
  
• playing pinnacle
• a white chirstmas in shelton
  
• spending time with my younger sister caitlyn (she is growing up so fast, it is weird. she is no longer a little girl and i need to stop acting like her mother)
  
• having coffee with old high school friends and realizing that i have nothing in common with them
  
• singing karaoke at mid-night on my 21st birthday with my sister and cousin to "we are family"
  
• going out on my 21st birthday to joey's and chopstix. so fun!
• getting my grandmothers wedding ring for my birthday, it is from the 1920's and beautiful
  
• spending time with my mom
• watching fireworks at gas works for new years
  

it feels nice to be 21. no one can tell me i can't go somwhere. when looking for shows to go to, 21
and over will no longer keep me out, that feels nice.




i am actually excited to be back to work today. who knew? however waking up at 530 was a little rough.