today should be over because i am excited for tonight.
i also think it should be friday because that would mean my family is coming to visit and i miss them.
it would also mean that i am going to bumbershoot which i am excited about for a couple of reasons. one too soon to mention.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
welcome to my lonely heart
latley i have been feeling very...lonely, and i have been trying to place the source of my loneliness.
here is what it isn't from..
it is not from not having friends, and it is not because i live alone now.
what i have come to realize is loneliness is a mysterious emotion, and just because you are surrounded by tons of people who love you, doesn't mean you can't feel completely alone.
part of my loneliness is that i am missing God. i started going back to church regularly and the first few sermons were on prayer, they were powerful and i didn't realize how much my prayer life was missing. i missed talking to God, and i missed His constant surroundings. i seem to have more non-Christian friends then Christian, which can be a very lonely place to be. so i joined a new community group, with this i have met some great people who love Jesus, and having just having that around me makes me feel...less lonely.
another part of my loneliness was losing someone i love.
rachel moved to china, as many know. but being so close with her made it hard, when you lose your best friend you feel a little more alone in the world filled with liers and betrayers. being able to trust people is a huge issue for me, and i don't trust easily. so to lose someone i could trust is hard.
so welcome to my lonely heart.
i am not sad about feeling this way. it just makes me think, even though things are changing and that is hard for me to except, i know that i have people who love me and most important i have a stronger relationship with Jesus. maybe i am supposed to be lonely at this time in my life so that i turn to Him for strength and understanding? or maybe i am just reading too much into this.
here is what it isn't from..
it is not from not having friends, and it is not because i live alone now.
what i have come to realize is loneliness is a mysterious emotion, and just because you are surrounded by tons of people who love you, doesn't mean you can't feel completely alone.
part of my loneliness is that i am missing God. i started going back to church regularly and the first few sermons were on prayer, they were powerful and i didn't realize how much my prayer life was missing. i missed talking to God, and i missed His constant surroundings. i seem to have more non-Christian friends then Christian, which can be a very lonely place to be. so i joined a new community group, with this i have met some great people who love Jesus, and having just having that around me makes me feel...less lonely.
another part of my loneliness was losing someone i love.
rachel moved to china, as many know. but being so close with her made it hard, when you lose your best friend you feel a little more alone in the world filled with liers and betrayers. being able to trust people is a huge issue for me, and i don't trust easily. so to lose someone i could trust is hard.
so welcome to my lonely heart.
i am not sad about feeling this way. it just makes me think, even though things are changing and that is hard for me to except, i know that i have people who love me and most important i have a stronger relationship with Jesus. maybe i am supposed to be lonely at this time in my life so that i turn to Him for strength and understanding? or maybe i am just reading too much into this.
Friday, August 8, 2008
i wish..
such as...
moving to fremont in my own little apartment
not driving my car ever
capitol hill block party
putting together my ikea furniture all by myself first try
and how i am going to be an auntie of two!
i am holding out to buy a mac, i am getting so close!
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